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Wife Of The Funeral

So I sat there
With my head bowed in between my bonny legs
Hoping that you'd show up and take me home
It hurt
Looking across the river 
Darkness was already acquiring its territory
And the crickets spoke to me in the language I understood not
So I bowed my head down again
To sorb 
Then your thoughts clouded my mind
That you were running after me 
Chasing! Chasing! Che Che che chasing! 
That was us in spirit
But our real lives told a different story 

I wondered how it felt like 
To be rained on
To feel the hotness of the red soil by the day
I wondered!
Does the sight of the Moon and stars excite you? 
Are you feeling the scent of the flowers up above that tender soil?
I put you your favorite one
The one I plucked from our front door
The one we planted together 
I even sprayed it with the cologne you gifted me on our wedding night 

Tell me, Love 
Is the ground too heavy on your chest?
You know I can always help you carry it
Did the particles go into your eyes?
Come I blow them out, Love
I watched them vigorously push that soil into your grave 
I became numb
I screamed but no sound came out
I tried pushing my way into your grave hoping that the Lord would feel my pain
Feel my pain and bring you back
But the women pushed me back on my chair
They said it's a taboo

How was I supposed to sit there and watch them turn you into manure 
The grave was soon halfway
The men exchanged their hoes and spade
The first group was already tired, their shoes full of dust 
Like it was some achievement
The second lot filled your grave
Until they added more soil just so it could appear like the back of a loaf of bread
The bishop offered his last prayer and performed the exorcism
You were a spirit now
Not Sisal my husband 

They walked me back into our house 
My nose was running straight into my mouth 
I never cared
You loved me messed up and decent at ago
The day was coming to an end for my black dress 
The exorcism continued 
I wasn't understanding the world anymore 
Did I deserve to say a forever goodbye to you at this age?
What will I tell our son?
That Daddy left for a no return journey?
Is that even fair?

On that hospital bed
On that fateful night
I asked you where it hurts most 
But you smiled back and told me that you're feeling better
That we'll go back home tomorrow 
I didn't know that I would be carrying your belongings only 
And leaving you in the cold room
Because you belong to another world 
Tell me who's going to love me as you did 
Who're arms am I going to have around my neck?

Soon enough, they'll bring another man into our home
They'll tell me that he's my "escorted"
Does that make you happy?
Does it make you happy that you ran away and left me in mourning and anguish?
Your brothers and uncles might soon send me away
They'll need your wealth 
So I'll become a stranger to them, not their wife anymore

Are you happy now?

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